dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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