Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
