Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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