I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
