The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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