you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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