called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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