so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
