Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Randomize
