There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
