dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
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I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
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I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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