their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
