This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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