At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
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I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
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He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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