I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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