Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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