she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
