i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
