He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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