dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I have already put on my inside pants.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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