At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
