I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
