it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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