girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
