I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
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i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
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He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
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