You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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