The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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