now i know why i became what i already was.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
