You just made me feel so damn special
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
