I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
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Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I AM VODKA MAN
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The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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