I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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