dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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