what day is it and did you see me today?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
