Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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