You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
