At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
