Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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