Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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