Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
