Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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