Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
