When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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