please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
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Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
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Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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