Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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