what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Randomize
