my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
