Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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