just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
