I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
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there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
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Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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