i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
