We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
