im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
