Moan for me like Helen Keller
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
