I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
