Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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