If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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