Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
