I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
