i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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