Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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