new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Randomize
