I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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