If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
