if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Randomize
