Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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