Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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