I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
