last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
