just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
