ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
