We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
