he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
