Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
