if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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