i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
