I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
