Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
