there's paper in my vomit.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
false alarm, still single
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