Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The best revenge is premature balding
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
