woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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