you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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