Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
