you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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